Gems. On Trusting Yourself.

I can remember one of my first panic attacks as a young girl at a sleepover at a friend's house. In the middle of the night I found myself desperately scanning a bookshelf in her home looking for something to help ease my mind. I wound up finding some book like Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul and it soothed me. Since my early teens reading has been a huge comfort and constant in my life, helping me sleep at night and feeding my thirst for answers to life's most cliche and daunting questions like "why am I here", "what is my purpose," "who am I". I'm an avid seeker, eager to learn about the meaning of life and am endlessly fascinated by the resilience of the human spirit.

Since my teens I can say conservatively that I've read close to 1,000 non-fiction books. I eagerly read self-help, bio/memoir, yoga, spirituality, and personal finance (don't ask me to list them all!). I read around 40 books per year. When I was in the Peace Corps I read over 100 books during that two-year timeframe. The more non-fiction, self-development-type books you read—the more you begin to observe overarching themes that are repeated again and again in different ways, in different voices. I want to distill out some gems I've learned from my 40 years of spiritual seeking, reading, teaching, and overcoming my own inner obstacles. I hope my children can read these life lessons and cultivate their own joyful, happy, and wealthy lives. Maybe others can benefit too. We are all works in progress!

BUILDING A TRUST MUSCLE

One of the most challenging lessons I've faced in my life has been learning to trust myself and believe in my own capabilities. This is a huge theme in self-help literature: believing in yourself. Learning to trust yourself is a key aspect of building self-esteem and confidence. I spent so much time in my 20's fucking up and continuing the same tiring cycles over and over. It was yoga and meditation that made a hairline crack in the darkness and I just kept walking toward it until I found my way into the light.

So much time in life is waisted wallowing in inaction and indecision as we ruminate on every choice, analyzing every drawback and fear, scrutinizing decisions and considering what others might think. All this inner junk makes the true internal voice, your "intuition" as cloudy as a mud puddle after a child stamps in it with her rain boots on.

Tapping into your intuition can feel like a herculean task. It's possible to tune into your inner guide through consistent, simple yoga practices, exercise, meditation, writing, or whatever activity you do that brings your level of awareness deeper than the constant inner critic (for my husband that is hunting, hiking, maple syrup making, planting trees).

Three ways to build your trust muscle

1. Keep promises to yourself. If you promise yourself that you're not going to get blackout drunk on Friday but you go ahead and do it anyway time and again— then you're going to doubt yourself big time. Keep your word to yourself. Start with little promises like "I promise I will make my bed today" and every time you make your bed you have one small accomplishment to feel good about!

2. Be compassionate when you stumble. You can escape a loop of self-destructive behavior by becoming aware of your self-berating voice and speaking to yourself like you would to a dear friend and loved one. "You got blackout drunk again, you're a piece of shit" is not a way to talk to anyone you love so why speak to yourself that way? Practice loving yourself unconditionally when you fail. Keep your inner dialogue in check and invite some tenderness in.

3. Take actions everyday. Even if you don't have total clarity on the goal or mission. Take actions, put yourself out there, keep moving forward any amount. It is only through action that you can prove something to yourself and really hone in on your capabilities. The only true way to trust yourself is to take chances, fail, and continue to get back up.

Your inner guide is all knowing and is tapped into the magic all around us. Keep your heart open—you deserve blessings!